I recently passed 600 days without getting drunk or high. This is a personal record by far. I haven’t gone this long since I discovered the euphoria of alcohol and marijuana at 13 years old. The most I would’ve gone in the 30 years since is probably 60 days, and that was only once or twice.
I thought I’d forget about it, but in fact I think about drinking or smoking every day. I don’t get tempted every day, but somehow getting drunk or high crosses my mind every single day.
For example, I may think to myself how long it’s been. Six hundred days, wow! How long will I make it? Will I really go the rest of my life sober?
That counts as thinking about drinking.
Around Christmas I started hearing about Mad Elf, a local seasonal beer with 11% alcohol flavored with chocolate malt, honey and cherries. Sounds right up my alley. It’s hard to believe I’ll never try it.
That counts.
Sometimes I’ll see something on television. I recently rewatched the 80s classic comedy, “The Burbs.” In one scene Tom Hanks says he wants to hang around the house and drink a couple hundred beers. And that sparks a fond memory of drinking cold beer around the house. Will I never do that again?
That counts.
Or I’ll hear a song about getting drunk and high.
That counts.
Sometimes I’ll catch a whiff of marijuana on the street. It smells good. I think about when I’d get baked while running errands.
That counts.
I’ve written about wrestling the black dog of depression. Sometimes I lose all motivation. I can’t work, I can’t exercise. Often I can’t shower or get dressed, opting for the couch in pajamas all day. It’s not good for business. You know what used to help? Getting baked in the morning. Then I’d go into the office and put in a good workday. Or getting wasted over the weekend may recharge my battery.
That counts.
Some iteration of these happens every single day. But I’ve built some muscle memory. It’s now a habit to abstain. I’d have to break a habit in order to fall of the wagon. You keep the streak via inertia. If I were to get drunk today, I’d lose that streak and be back to zero. Better to wait and see how I feel tomorrow. Maybe it will pass.
It rarely rises to temptation, but some kind of thought about drugs and alcohol occurs every single day.
Expat Chronicles 
I definitely find quitting on booze to be difficult.
I did not start until I was about 18 and in college.
But I am a fairly heavy drinker now.
When I do drink, I normally go through about 500 to 750 mL of hard liquor a day.
The longest I have taken a break from it all while heavy drinking has been about 30 days.
Just a week ago, I tried again. No more drinking.
But honestly life is so boring when I do not drink. The days literally go twice as long. And I feel the urge to drink while doing whatever simple activity.
But I get I have to.
I have noticed some health issues from it all.
Well, not too much. My insides continue to feel fucked up as usual.
There was one moment a few months ago where I vomited some blood after a heavy night of drinking. That got me to reflect on it all.
But I went to the hospital and I guess it was related to something else.
That has not happened again.
And I do not think I am too far down the hole of being fucked physically by drinking
Or I hope not anyway
I do pay attention to what I read are signs of being too fucked by drinking
My skin and eyes are not yellow. My thumb nails are still pink. Etc. My hands do not shake from not drinking.
Still, I can feel the discomfort inside my body and know it is fucking me on the inside. And I have seen that I bruise more easily and supposedly that is a sign of the body fucking up from too much drinking. A break really is needed.
But you know what else does motivate me to take a long break?
Whenever I go outside
And you think what could be if you took that break
How much nicer life could be
The money you spend on booze that could be spent on other things
But really just to have a more normal life
Tomorrow I have plans to go back to Day 1 of taking a break
Truthfully, I do not know if I am ready to give it up forever
But I do want to take a very long break.
At least until July
Give my insides more time to heal
The biggest hurdle really is just how god damn boring life is without some vodka
I always like to have a bottle of vodka in the house though that I do NOT drink so I can convince myself that I can resist the temptation.
I have been trying for months now. Has not worked.
Maybe someday.
But there´s no vodka anymore in the house or any booze at all.
I will pass my own self induced test someday. The vodka in the house. And I ignore it everyday.
But right now I think it´s best to just give up on the idea and just take the best shot I can at letting my body heal.
It really is time
I will probably be like how you describe in the article though
Thinking about booze a lot.
I always have the latest and greatest reason inside my head for why I need another drink
And I am easily convinced usually
But it is time. Insides are too fucked. I just know it is time for a break and to let the insides heal.
But life is about to get pretty fucking boring then. It is what it is.
Every time I take a break into being sober for a month I find myself so bored and wanting a drink.
But this time I hope to hit a goal. More than 30 days. Let´s last until at least July.
Thanks for the article anyway. Pretty relatable in some sense.
Take care
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If you’re thinking of laying off for a while, here is a handy quiz to help with the decision. I get unmotivated but I haven’t had any of the problems that come with drinking. I should maybe do a post about the benefits of sobriety.
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