I got a good dose of Peruvian hazing last night after we pounded a team 73 – 46. There were a handful of new guys who I assume were from the high school team that Coach wants to start exposing them to this league.
After the game we gathered in the locker room to discuss the next practice, etc. Coach told us this team has a tradition for new players and these three new youngsters need to follow suit. A couple voices yelled out, “¡Colin también!” Guys stole glances at me laughing. I immediately got nervous. Ramiro, laughing, told me I looked tense.
Everybody decided I was long overdue and should go first. They pushed me front and center in front of Coach, who blocked the door. He went into a speech about tradition, and how everybody went through this. I assumed my fight posture, half wondering if they were all going to rain punches on my arms and body. At the same time I kept eyeing Payaso, the team captain, who held a bottle of Icy Hot but wasn’t applying any to his arms or legs. Lorenzo said, “Doggystyle bitch!” Everybody laughed.
Coach told me they were going to put Icy Hot in my ass and that fighting makes it worse. I should do it “voluntario.” Payaso put a plastic baggie over his right hand and dug it deep into the ICY HOT, caking the bag on both sides. I said they must be joking. Mauricio said “No joking.” Coach appointed Paolo, Ramiro, and Jose – three of the stronger guys – to restrain me if I fought.
I fought. The fight went on for a while. After some minutes, two guys were holding each of my legs in the air and two guys were holding each arm. I was suspended in the air as if on a bed with my arms and legs tied. My next plan was to use my core muscles and wriggle strength to keep my pants on and maybe get a foot on the ground.
But ALAS, of all the days to wear my breakaway pants, somebody pulled and they completely ripped off by the buttons that line each leg from hip to ankle. Payaso pulled my underwear down and raked the Icy Hot-caked bag down the length of my buttcrack. He didn’t penetrate me per se, but wiped pretty hard. The guys dropped me and started laughing hysterically.
I was in a fraternity and understand the value of hazing. So I gave them what they wanted. I sat on the sink rubbing cold water into my butt. The sight of me, sitting in the sink with my pants around my ankles, rubbing my ass with cold water sent the guys into a frenzy. After I was done, each and every one of the guys shook my hand, patted me on the back, and welcomed me to the team. Then they got the youngsters.
The burn was terrible for maybe twenty minutes. After that time, it almost feels good. I realized why fighting makes it worse. A good amount of Icy Hot got on the skin of my nutsack. This skin is very sensitive and it burned for a long time after everything else calmed down. I didn’t sit down for 2 – 3 hours after the application.
I don’t know why I fought. It was more natural than bending over for a voluntary application. Plus I took satisfaction in the fact that it took five of them and the battle spanned from one side of the locker room to the other.
I never played organized team sports. I assume American high school or college teams do something similar, but I’m not sure how it compares. I didn’t have anything like that done to me in the fraternity, so this was the worst hazing I’ve gotten. This is mild to what can happen in Peru – especially in the military (see Human Rights in Peru).
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