Edward Snowden, patriot or traitor? Whistleblower or attention whore?

That’s beyond our scope here. Snowden has been offered asylum in Nicaragua, Venezuela, and Bolivia. Monroe Doctrine be damned, all three of these leading anti-American antagonists hail from Latin America. Snowden must first arrive in those countries to take advantage, but we want to know:

Of this glorious selection of anti-imperialist paradises, where would you choose? Nicaragua, Venezuela or Bolivia?

Nicaragua

Arguably the original banana republic, Nicaragua turned anti-American when the Sandinistas took power. Ronald Reagan’s Ollie North turned Nicaragua into a front in the Cold War battle, arming rebels in the Iran-Contra scandal. Nicaragua is currently headed by Sandinista leader Daniel Ortega, who is currently serving his third term depending how you count.

Pros:

• Caribbean coastline.
• Of our three choices, US Dollar income will go farthest in Nicaragua.
• Due to British pirates and colonialism, there is a black, English-speaking population of Nicaraguans on the Caribbean coast (think San Andres).
• I’ve heard Nicaragua called “the new Costa Rica.”

Cons:

• With a mere 6 million, Nicaragua’s entire population is smaller than many world cities. At 2 million and some change, Managua is Nicaragua’s largest city.
• Hurricanes and earthquakes and volcanoes. A trifecta.
• Nicaragua is the second poorest country in the Americas after Haiti.
• I’ve heard Nicaragua called “the new Costa Rica.”

Venezuela

What can be said that I haven’t already said?

Pros:

• Arguably the most attractive people among the options.
• Best place to go to prison (if you have money).
• Free gas.
• Llanera (better than vallenato).
• At just shy of 4 million, Caracas is the largest city in contention. And with almost 30 million, Venezuela is the largest country.

Cons:

• Arepas.
• Chavismo.
• Crime – you know a city’s bad when Colombians complain about having to travel to Caracas.
• Shortages – basic staples including sugar and, most recently, toilet paper.
• Llanera.

Bolivia

A full two thirds of Bolivians are indigenous, so it’s the only country Peruvians cop a snobby attitude towards. Bolivia has 37 official languages! Typical power inequalities between the indigenous majority and the traditional Spanish last names prompted the 2006 election of Evo Morales, an Aymara with roots in coca farming. Morales has emerged as the foremost anti-American in the region after the death of Hugo Chavez.

Pros:

• The Indian thing, if you like the Indian thing.
• Best cocaine in the world (see Marching Powder).
• A surprising number of backpackers doing the South American circuit have told me their favorite city was La Paz.

Cons:

• The Indian thing, if you like the Spanish thing.
• No coastline.
• Average temperature in La Paz is 45 degrees Farenheit (7 degrees Celsius), with a high of 59 F (15 C) and a low of -2 F (-19 C).

Any pros or cons I’m forgetting? Leave them in the comments!

POLL

Poll plug-in denigrated. But at the time of publish, Venezuela had half of all votes, followed by Nicaragua with about a third and Bolivia with less than 20%.

Inverted Edward Snowden Challenge

Each anti-American bastion has a staunch ally counterpart. Which country would you choose to spend all your days if the choices were Costa Rica, Colombia or Peru?

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