Virility in Venezuela Redux

The Pink Tide just ate a big, steaming pile and licked the plate afterward. The U.S. military snatching Maduro was remarkable, and I can’t let it go. I can’t get my head around how impotent the Venezuelan security forces are. Not one kill. Not a helicopter, nothing! They’re great for killing civilians, but put guns on the other side of the fighting and they’re impotent.

“Impotent” is the word that keeps coming up, and it reminds me of how in 2017 three west African countries ousted a would-be dictator in Gambia. I wondered when Latin America would show the same mojo. I incorporated a colorful metaphor in the latter article, which has turned out to be dead wrong. Here is that metaphor, cleaned up and condensed for entertainment purposes.

Metaphor

The United States had been sticking it to third-world Latina holes for generations. There were exceptions when less virile men like FDR and JFK followed a Good Neighbor Policy, but few on the left or right focus on those like they focus on when the big-dicked Americans swung it around to exert their will, demonstrate their dominance.

Now the Venezuelans in Lima ask when the Marines are going to take Maduro out. NEVER, I say, it’s not going to happen. The United States doesn’t care about your problems. First of all, you’re Latin, and that is almost the lowest kind of people you can be in Trump’s America. Second of all, while the world may have moved on from Iraq, the United States hasn’t (much less Afghanistan!). No more forever wars or nation-building, there is no appetite for military adventures.

Even if Uncle Sam were going to do something, Mrs. Sam has her eyes on his every move. He’ll have to keep his pants on for this one. That means you-know-who has to step in: Latin America itself. Specifically Colombia, Peru, Chile, Argentina and Brazil.

It’s time for Latin America to show its virility. No sitting back and watching the Americans lay the pipe. It’s time to show they’re not completely impotent in the face of a most worthy bitch who’s just begging for it. The new South America is capable of more than just asking the rich world for millions of dollars to build tent cities… It’s time to stop being shy and whip it out. Lay it on the table.

It’s not about having the most impressive equipment. It’s about getting it up and getting her done, and not being a voyeur. You don’t have to take it by force. You can finesse it. Sweet-talk it. Be gentle. Pet the monkey. But you need to perform.

Don’t just sit in the corner with your dick in your hand. Your eyes are darting back and forth between Uncle Sam and the chamita. The chamita’s already on the bed, in the nude, just waiting for it. She’s there for the taking.

Part of you wants to shout at Uncle Sam not to jump on top of her as you stroke yourself. But that’s not going to happen. He’s not doing anything. You and ONLY YOU, Latin lover, have to get up and perform. NOW DO IT.

[/end metaphor]

I was wrong about that, not Latin America sitting on the couch, but Uncle Sam keeping his dick in his pants. As far as Maduro goes anyway.

But I’m standing by a point I’ve made several times for over a decade: what comes next. Stay tuned!

This was Part I of the Golpemaduro series.

See Part II: Blood, Oil and Bad Bets: Investing in Venezuela Redux. TLDR: Venezuela won’t be a good investment opportunity without a right-wing dictator to forcibly stabilize the country, because decades of institutional rot, depleted oil revenues, and entrenched bad actors make democratic recovery too slow and uncertain for investors to see returns in their lifetime.

See Part III: The Don Job Corollary (stay tuned!)