Time for Latin America to Show Its Virility

The United States had been sticking it to third-world holes for generations. There were exceptions when less virile men like FDR and JFK (jeje) followed a Good Neighbor Policy in Latin America. But those times aren’t remembered as well as when the big-dicked Americans swung their stuff around whenever one of the southern neighbors started acting up.

The backlash against gringo dominance grew fierce in the 2000s, when the Iraq war led to unprecedented anti-American sentiment in the world. That anti-yankee sentiment was so strong in Latin America that it helped propel firebrand populists like Hugo Chavez, Cristina Fernandez, Rafael Correa and Evo Morales to power.

The United States mostly retreated from the region, especially from the most confrontational countries. Venezuela hasn’t had a U.S. ambassador since 2010, and coca-producing Bolivia expelled the DEA in 2008.

As history goes, the pendulum swings. The times they are a changin’. The most anti-American countries of the last 20 years are mostly suffering economic shit shows to different degrees, none more than the most anti-American of them all: Venezuela.

The Bolivarian Revolution has exported 2 million “refugees” as the Chavez-Maduro regime has transformed Venezuela from a free-but-not-fair democracy into a totalitarian dictatorship, and a basket case of an economy to boot.

The refugee situation is becoming serious. The sheer number of poverty-stricken Venezuelans is overwhelming the initially good graces of the receiving countries, and they’re bringing largely eradicated diseases such as measles and polio. Many Peruvians want to close the borders. Brazilians do too. And of course Colombians would if they could.

The crazy thing is that the humanitarian situation in Venezuela is expected to continue to deteriorate, which will (unbelievably) accelerate the emigration.

Meanwhile, U.S. President Donald Trump has casually tossed out reckless comments about “military options,” prompting a wave of self-righteous op-eds in the press by Captain Obvious journalists condemning American intervention in Venezuela.

I’d like to tell all of them to stop stroking themselves off.

“I’m not trying to suck my own cock.” – The Mooch

This is what I tell all the Venezuelans here in Lima who ask when the Marines are going to take Maduro out: NEVER.

It’s not going to happen, I explain. The United States as a whole doesn’t care about your problems. First of all, you’re Latin, and that is almost the lowest kind of people you can be in Trump’s America. Almost … just above Muslim.

Second of all, while the world may have moved on from Iraq, the United States hasn’t (much less Afghanistan!). There is zero appetite for any military adventures anywhere. If there were, we would have gone into Syria. But there isn’t, especially for a Latin American country far enough that the starving masses can’t walk across our borders.

If the United States doesn’t have any intentions of doing anything, then why does Trump say those things? Doesn’t he realize he’s frightening the betas, women and children of the region?  And giving propagandist talking points to the despots he claims to oppose?

My theory, which is correct, is that Trump doesn’t give a shit what the betas, women, children and remaining despots in Latin America say. For better or worse, he doesn’t care what anybody in the region says.

Then why the threats?

The tough talk is pandering to the Latin community in Florida, which unlike the Latin communities in the rest of the United States is politically right-of-center. The Cuban-Americans who fled Castro’s regime make up a crucial Republican constituency, and Florida’s importance in the electoral college is why every presidential candidate from each party maintained a hard line on Communist Cuba (until Obama).

Since the Cubans, Florida has seen an influx of Venezuelans escaping chavismo (see Doralzuela), adding to the incentive for bluster.

Soon after his inauguration, I asked if Trump might go for regime change to support his falling approval ratings (which have since stabilized around the low 40s). But alas, Trump went after another rogue nation: North Korea.

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Kicking ass and taking names! Trump did a powerful fist pump and came back to the States WINNING. Too bad the liberal media refused to give him the credit he deserves, therefore depriving him of increased public approval. Sad!

By then it was too late to rescue Venezuela, even if there were any popular will to do so. I posed the question that Trump might try to pull something off when the time was right and Maduro’s regime was most vulnerable: during the 2017 protests which paralyzed the country and saw over 160 people killed.

But Maduro’s government successfully put the unrest down, and has since emerged stronger. That strategy was later used by Daniel Ortega to hang on and solidify his hold on power in Nicaragua, and I believe (correctly) you will next see that game-plan used in Bolivia.

But back to Venezuela. The ship has sailed on the Yankees engineering regime change. Mrs. Sam has her eyes on our every move, and so do the people who live outside the neighborhood. We’re going to have to keep our pants on for this one.

That means you-know-who has to step in: Latin America itself. Specifically the top recipients of Venezuelan refugees: Colombia, Peru, Chile, Argentina and Brazil – in that order (I’d give Ecuador a pass given the tricky political terrain facing President Lenin Moreno.)

Time for South America to show its virility. No watching the Americans lay the pipe. It’s time for South America and greater Latin America to show they’re not completely impotent in the face of a most worthy bitch who’s begging for it.

The new South America is capable of more than just asking the United States and Europe for hundreds of millions of dollars to build tent cities.

But besides issuing toothless declarations, Latin America has done next to nothing so far! It’s time to stop being shy and whip it out. Lay it on the table.

It’s not about having the most impressive equipment the world has ever seen. It’s about performance. Get up the gumption and do something. It’s about getting her done, not being a voyeur.

That doesn’t necessarily mean military action. You don’t have take it by force. You can finesse it. Sweet-talk it. Be gentle. Pet the monkey.

This is the #MeToo moment. You can’t grab em by the pussy anymore. And you aren’t a star.

In my opinion military should be a very last resort if at all. You can use this in your debates with self-righteous anti-Americans stroking themselves off: “No solution is better than a military solution!” Because that might get them scratching their heads.

But getting back to the point, the countries receiving all these refugees haven’t taken even the most basic steps to pressure the regime, such as denying visas for the party bosses to come party or their children to work or study in a safe country. Or freezing assets, expelling ambassadors. There are plenty of pressure points, and Latin America hasn’t even begun using the more effective ones. Just the toothless declarations at regional summits and bodies.

That’s the equivalent of sitting in the corner with your dick in your hand. Your eyes are darting back and forth between Uncle Sam and the chamita. The chamita’s already on the bed in the nude, just waiting. There for the taking.

Part of you wants to shout at Uncle Sam not to jump on top of her as you stroke. But that’s not going to happen. You and ONLY YOU, Latin America, have to get up and perform.

It is time for Latin America to show they are capable of cleaning up their own back yard. Like West Africa did last year.

I’ve been right about Venezuela for years. The next thing to watch for, assuming Venezuela doesn’t become a mainland version of Cuba, is the possibility of a right-wing strongman. Because Venezuela has become a bona fide mafia state, where the government institutions have rotted to the core. Caudillos, prison gangs and drug traffickers run the country. A reform-minded government will not be able to step in and take over, simple as that. Unless, of course, it’s a Pinochet- or Fujimori-style government.

If they go the democratic route as opposed to right-wing strongman, then the transition back to free-market democracy will be SLOW. And Venezuela will be a very poor and dangerous place for a long time.

That’s the trade-off, assuming it doesn’t become a Russo-Cuban satellite. You heard it here first.

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6 comments

    1. I would say I’m just talking shit. I’m not suggesting anything exact, beyond of course the region taking care of Maduro instead of looking to the U.S. And in fact that seems to be happening with Duque, Bolsonaro and maybe Macri. I’m closely watching if Duque will use the ELN as a reason to enter VZ territory. And Bolsonaro seems to be strong enough not to need an excuse.

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      1. If anyone’s military is strong enough maybe Brazil’s? It’s doubtful that any country in the region would put its boys and money on the line for a better Venezuela. Not even the U.S. The U.S. has got covert means, like assassination or funding opposition, which it has done effectively in the Ukraine and the Middle East. But U.S. so far has been too busy elsewhere to do much or just doesn’t care enough (though it probably had its hand in the futile Chavez coup). Looking back, it would have been better had the 2002 coup succeeded, but hindsight is 20/20, and after all, almost all of us are just spectators. With Venezuelans flooding into other countries, there’s not much to do but sit back and enjoy the ride.

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  1. I think Colombia and or Brazil should intervene militarily and set up a provisional government. Im sure Trump would approve and back them up.

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