Next month marks 10 years since I last set foot in Colombia.
Watching the Copa America final stirred old memories. I wanted Colombia to win, and not just because everyone loves an underdog. Watching the colors brought back memories. It brought back regrets.
I shouldn’t care too much. But Colombia and specifically Bogota never really left my subconscious. I still have dreams about it. It was once suggested that I have unfinished business there. I disagreed. But that’s my conscious brain’s opinion.
I had a dream about Christopher “The Mick” Kavanagh in the days after that match. The next week he was dead. The last time I visited in 2014 was for Christopher and I to give a three-day tour of Bogota to the SC Coffee Council (Bogota SIG). These were the Gold Star patrons to the Kickstarter campaign that made Christopher’s memoir a reality.
Watching the game was when I realized it has almost been a decade since I was last in Colombia. I lived there for just under three years, which account for an increasingly short part of my life (6 percent at 45 years old). But I feel that in that time I learned a disproportionate amount about life, business, writing and myself. It was a high-octane sprint of ups and downs with clear life lessons. My years in Colombia were formative years.
You probably found this blog via Colombian content. A majority of Expat Chronicles readers, even 10 years later, never had anything to do with Peru. They came for the Colombian content. And despite producing less as time goes by, my Colombian stories are still the biggest draw.
In a way, my time in Colombia ended in failure. I vowed dozens of times, especially in that first year, that I would make it there. I would carve out a profitable niche and build an upper-class life for myself in Bogota. I swore that to myself over and over, that I would never give up.
But I gave up.
Colombia was one of those goals I set for myself but did not achieve. When I first moved back to Peru, I didn’t completely accept that I was finished with Colombia. I told my wife we could move there after she finished her nursing degree. During our six-week honeymoon there, an old employer offered me a job in either Bogota or Cali. I’m glad I didn’t take it.
I wrote that I was pseudo-deported from Colombia. It wasn’t entirely inaccurate. There were some DAS or military funcionarios trying to send me a message. But I could have gone back.
Deep down I knew it would be a bad idea. I’d probably be dead or in jail. My marriage certainly would have failed. When people ask about Peru vs. Colombia, I say Peru is better for family and Colombia is better for party.
I harbored resentments against Colombia for years. If you’ve been reading for a long time, you probably picked up on it. I ridiculed the food in this blog’s all-time most popular post. On the blog and in conversations, I insisted how vicious the Colombian people were. They’re the most corrupt in Latin America. How else does a country with no cultural history in coca dominate the cocaine business? They’re excellent murderers. The men are renowned contract killers throughout the content, while their women dominate the brothels.
I regret those resentments. While that may be true, it’s not the whole story. Excellent food can be found in Colombia. And there are millions of upstanding, wholesome Colombians who don’t do drugs. You can see many of them every Sunday on the Ciclovia. Colombia produces some of the most popular music in Latin America, in every Latin genre: reggaeton, salsa, cumbia and rock en español. There are intellectuals who make me look like a fool. It’s a visually stunning country that can suck you in.
I don’t know if I owe Colombia an apology, but I should set the record straight. If you have substance abuse issues, you may be wise to steer clear. If I got into trouble, it’s my fault. In hindsight, I was looking for trouble.
I know people who lived sober in Colombia. There are clean, healthy Colombians. They’re trying to change the country, and I respect that. You can live a healthy, fulfilling life in Colombia. And that place taught me a lot about life. I often said I’d only go back if I had business there. I may reconsider.
Expat Chronicles 
I was in Colombia in 2019 and I was there with two caveats, I didn’t party and I didn’t live below estrato 4 but I loved it immensely! Probably the first time in my life I felt at ‘home’ in a country which I include my own, when I am back home, I am always on edge, in Colombia, that edge disappeared.
I found the vast majority of Colombians to be extremely polite – where they say hello to you in the elevator and asked for permission to get off it – I was amazed with it all, their friendliness and kindness, I find Mexicans to be similar – it is a country with high crime and murder rate so they’re not all like that but Colombia was a massive shock to me – especially in the Estrato 4 areas and above – malls, supermarkets and the infrastructure was better than back home.
I would definitely live in Colombia as a retiree for sure. I have a Peruvian passport so no problems just going there to live and I feel very lucky to have that privilege. I remember on some forum – I think it was roosh and you highlighted it in one of your flame posts where a poster said ‘why go to Colombia if not for cheap whores and cocaine’ and it is such a shame that there are people out there who cannot see what’s in that country that makes it so dynamic, it’s more than that (which you said at the time).
I ate well in Colombia but what I did was not compare it to Mexican, Peruvian or Brazilian food and I was rarely disappointed – I would put it on par with Argentinian food. I remember them giving me a fucking arepa instead of fries with my fried chicken at Frisby’s once and I kicked off about it but apart from that… that was in Pereira and the queue was a mile long there and at KFC there were three people milling about.
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I found your blog for its Colombia content. Maybe I first saw the Do All Colombian Women Cheat story. I enjoy reading about the Beta males who send money to a woman they have never met and probably never will meet. Very pathetic. I think you did a deep dive story on an expat who was killed during a robbery in a hostel in Colombia. It was a good read. You can shoot me the link if you like. I’ve lived there for about 1 year in two 6-month stays. I might go back. I like the weather and sights of the coffee region near Pereira, Manizales, and Armenia. I didn’t stay longer the first 2 times because I was still working. Now I’m retired so I could stay indefinitely, but my Colombian wife is still working in the US so that’s holding me back. FYI, I never sent money to a woman I hadn’t met in person (and rode vigorously).
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The Colombia stories are what made the Chronicles. Nothing captures our imagination like the adventures of a young man.
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Your Colombian content brough me here years ago. It’s been one year since I’ve last been to Colombia. That country has a special place in my heart also. When people ask me if Colombia is dangerous, I’d say ‘yes’ but it’s worth dying for. Heck we all die in the end anyway, might as well enjoy the ride while it last. From some people the promised land is India, for others the US, but for some of us it was Colombia.
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I’ve spent 10 years of my life in Colombia and I can say that it will have a profound effect upon you – it is the only country I have known that will do this. You will have amazing experiences but equally, if you are unlucky (or just daft) you could have ver, very bad experiences. But you will learn things about yourself and about life in general that you did not know and will not learn anywhere else. I don’t live there any more but it never, ever leaves you.
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I honestly don´t remember what article it was that introduced me to your website. I remember being a teenager reading Roosh stuff and I think you had an article on his Kings website? Some of the earlier articles I remember include you breaking a glass door in a hotel in Peru because the owner wouldnt let you out and other things from long ago. I think an article about you meeting a sex worker in Colombia? I think you had a brothel tour? Its been years but your earlier articles were very entertaining. I would still like to get around to reading the Out of Head book lol
But honestly I like some of your later articles years later. Fun adventures of a young man are cool but insights are more thought provoking and you have some good articles on this blog I would call required reading for gringos thinking of moving to LATAM
As far as Colombia goes, I agree there´s some good things. They got good fruits and juices. Sure, there´s good people. Yes, it has natrual beauty.
But while I don´t hold any resentment against the country, I never thought your generalizations on the food,, people, etc were out of place
Most expats will agree, and I do also, that Colombian food generally does suck ass.
But it is also true that gringos tend to beat up Colombia more than most Latin American countries when Colombia really isn´t different from most.
What do I mean?
Most Latin American countries do not have GREAT cuisine. Sure, just about every country has a few things they do well but most of the country´s cuisine is bland or boring food in my experience. Same for Colombia.
Just doesn´t compare to the greats like Mexico, Peru, Argentina, etc.
But Colombia for whatever reason tends to get shit on more than most of those other countries (Bolivia, Guatemala, El Salvador, DR, etc)
Why? I dont know. Colombia isnt any worse than those other places. And while Im not a fan of most of their food (with exceptions), I do think Colombia is a dead horse gringos love to beat on when it comes to the food. To the point its overdone.
As for the people, my experience varies by where they come from
Colombians from certain areas like Pasto, Bucaramanga or Popayan tend to be more trust worthy.
Colombians from the Carribean Coast, Medellin, Bogota tend to be way worse and more likely to fuck you over
Even if its only over a few dollars
Yes, there´s good people in those places
But if Im being honest, I have enough experience with folks from those areas and Colombia in general where I´ll admit Im more cautious when dealing with them on anything money than I am with other nationalities
The same could be said about Dominicans, Cubans and Venezuelans
Are there good people in those countries too? Are most people good? Yes to both
But there´s way more people in all those countries imo that will scam you than in the rest of LATAM imo.
While Mexicans have bad people too, I´d trust a Mexican to not rip me off way more than a Colombian if we are generalizing
As for the music, I agree. Colombia does have great music
As for the scenery, I dont think Colombia is that great either. It is not bad. There are nice parts of the country but I dont think the country is as great as certain other countries like Mexico, Argentina, Brazil, Chile, etc
But definitely Colombia has more to offer than a lot of LATAM countries say El Salvador, Uruguay, etc.
Above all,, I wouldnt mind visiting Colombia again for a visit of say 6 months. I can ignore the bad food because they got decent international restaurants and places like Quilla do arab food very well. Yes, the women are hot. And the country does have certain things I want to see again or havent and have on my list of things to see.
But could I live there?
I guess
While Im not as big of a fan of the people, I would honestly pick either the Coffee Triangle or the Caribbean Coast like Quilla}
But honestly Colombia just isnt on top of my list for places I would live long term
I would rather stay in Mexico or maybe move to a safer country like Argentina or Chile if I ever have a family. I have had my doubts about Mexico´s future as far as that is concerned. Easy to live here as a single man and I do love the country but not sure about a life here with a family. Who knows
Take care
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I really liked Colombia, i felt it was Dangerous but i felt happy, and i am not scared to die, but it has a major problem for me… Comida colombiana? No gracias
For me it was one of the worst kitchens i tried in my Life (Netherlands and sweden are on the same level), and the worst thing is they have good products in theory but ruin them by cooking without spices and putting obscene amount of sugar, i was like why is everything sweet, why arepa feels like a dessert to me?
How do you deal with the food living there?
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How do you deal? You suffer and complain with the other expats.
And you really enjoy the good stuff on special occasions.
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