Note: I received complimentary stays at two luxury apartments in Medellin from Poblado Rentals.

After our honeymoon in San Andres, wifey and I stayed for a week at luxury apartments in Medellin courtesy of Poblado Rentals. We did almost nothing in Medellin because we never left the apartments. We relaxed and cooked for a week.

Penthouse 1

Poblado Rentals put us in Penthouse 1 for a week. My only complaint about this place would be the noise. It’s only two blocks from Parque Lleras. Maybe being close to Lleras isn’t so bad, but if you want to go to bed early then don’t be close to the damn vallenato bar that stayed open and loud until 3 AM every night.

One night we hosted my buddy Gustavo and his girl for dinner, which featured an unpublishable story which was sent to newsletter subscribers:

We also had dinners alone:

The best feature of this apartment is the BBQ grill. Coincidentally, Exito was selling pork ribs cut St. Louis style. Plus, Colombian chorizo and morcilla kick ass. I grilled every day. Aside from the BBQ grill, the apartment had all the kitchen amenities I hadn’t seen since moving to Latin America:

• Potato peeler
• Can opener
• Pizza cutter
• Tongs
• Whisk
• Toaster oven
• Microwave

Check out pictures of Penthouse 1 on Facebook, or at the end of this post.

Then Poblado Rentals moved us to the “Glass Mansion” in Castropol.

Glass Mansion

The Glass Mansion was obscene luxury. I invited Adriaan Alsema of Colombia Reports for dinner at this place.

Adriaan had already agreed, but I was compelled to post this picture on his Facebook profile. I could hardly believe when he made fun of it. Then David Lee of Medellin Living chimed in to clown it some more. It was a turkey shoot at my luxury Medellin apartment.

See the two screenshots to read all the comments.

After that little FB exchange, I realized this was a sex tourist’s or drug dealer’s paradise. The place is wall-to-wall mirrors from the front door to the giant master bedroom. There are two jacuzzis. Greek columns. Orgies anyone?

My theory on why I was oblivious to it all is that I’m blind to interior design. So when I walked into this luxury Medellin apartment, all I noticed were big leather couches, the glass coffee table, the big TV, the Wii, the VIEWS (see gallery below), the steam room, the bigness, the greatness. I was like a hyperactive dog humping everybody’s leg, but instead humping the luxurious things in this apartment.

Adriaan and a cute little paisa came over for my wifey’s Spaghetti Bolognese. Then we hung out for a few hours and the dominant subject of the night was how horrible the interior design was, how obvious it was a “narco’s wet dream” (Adriaan) and an “orgy pad” (me).

I made a mock ad highlighting it as that, but the sound came out screwy:

Here’s a normal promo video:

And this one from the night of our dinner party:

The views were amazing – 270 degrees from Poblado. But the best thing about the Glass Mansion was the steam room and jacuzzis. Wifey put me face down on a towel in the steam room to sweat it out. Then she rubbed me with some scratchy sponge that cleanses dead skin cells. After a half hour of that treatment, my hangover was gone.

Check out the pictures of the Glass Mansion on FB or below.

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Penthouse 1 Pictures

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Glass Mansion Pictures

Contact Poblado Rentals to reserve a luxury apartment in Medellin.

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