These are the penis controversies:
- Binky AKA pacifier, dummy, soother
When the boy was born, the doc asked if I wanted him circumcised. Of course I did. Being circumcised myself, it’s not just wanting an American boy. It’s also because I am aware beyond the shadow of a doubt that women prefer circumcised penises. Why wouldn’t I want that for my boy? In the United States, it’s seen as an indicator of first-world-ness, even if the rest of the first world doesn’t follow the tradition. But if you’re not circumcised, especially in the Heartland, it’s a sign of third-world-ness.
I didn’t even have to consider it. My Peruvian wife didn’t argue either.
But she blamed me when the baby cried like crazy after his first few diaper changes. You see, the freshly cut penis of an infant will stick to the diaper every time you take it off. You put a drop of petroleum jelly on the tip to prevent that. But it still hurts.
So this became the first controversy among my Peruvian wife and her family, who chimed in via Skype. They wanted to know why I would insist on that for the boy. Did I want him to suffer?
I was tongue-tied. How do you answer that? Fortunately Milagros helped out, saying it was “more hygenic.” Probably so, although that never occurred to me.
The next controversy came up during our recent visit to Peru. My Peruvian father-in-law asked why we were using a binky. He asked if we had really thought about the implications.
The implications being, if the boy gets accustomed to sucking a binky as a baby, he’ll develop the habit of sucking something. And you know what that might lead to.
At no point were the words verga, pinga, or pene used. But it was obvious to everybody in the room what the second penis controversy was. And it was mentioned in all seriousness. Not a hint of humor.
What do you think?
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