I was to arrive in St. Louis just before Thanksgiving. The men in my family always burn one after dinner. It’s usually the same guys who provide the jibber. I realized I’m never the provider as I stared at a big pile of cheap Colombian marijuana on my counter. So I stuffed a fat bud into the pocket of one of the artesania handbags I bought as Christmas presents.
My strategy is not to use baggies when smuggling tiny amounts in obscure places that would necessitate a thorough search to find. The fam got a kick out of the Colombian dirt-weed.
After I booked my 6 week trip to STL, my brother told my friend John, who volunteered to let me stay at his place since it’s more convenient to where I’d be working. He was newly single and had an extra room. John uses steroids and, sometimes, cocaine. I didn’t email or mention staying there until I saw him in person, where I’d surprise him with steroids and cocaine.
In keeping with my strategy, I got cocaine so rocked up that it didn’t need a bag or paper. It might’ve been overlooked as a piece of detergent or trash. I ended up staying at John’s about half the time I was in town.
John also likes steroids, but I had no idea how to get them. Then one day in a pharmacy I saw a box prominently displayed which read: DecaDurabolin. I recognized that name from the news as one of the most-used in athletic performance, specifically by Jose Canseco.
I asked to see the box, which contained 10 small single-use vials. They’re sold as treatment for muscle pains – para los dolores is what the guy told me. Each vial cost 18,000 pesos. I bought 8 vials.
I removed the plastic case of vials from the box (which read in big letters, DecaDurabolin) and put it in my shaving kit. Each vial also had the name printed on them, but I thought it was a little more subtle and may pass for insulin shots or something. I flattened the box and used it as a bookmark in my flight book so I could show John how legit this stuff was. He was thrilled. In his own words, “You can’t go wrong with deca.” He recognized the brand as being one of the industry’s most respected, but wasn’t impressed with the price I paid.
My last day in Bogota I called my brother to organize a ride from the airport. He asked if I was going to bring him “yummy drugs.” He wanted Vicodin, in which I learned the active ingredient is Hydrocodone. A Google search yielded this Sinalgen discussion on Poorbuthappy.
For Sinalgen I paid 30,000 pesos for 10 pills. Each pill had 5 mg hydrocodone and 500 mg paracetemol. The Hillbilly Heroin went in the shaving kit with the steroids. My brother was thrilled with it, which he says is for hangovers.
Note: I’ve gotten lucky thus far. I’m NEVER smuggling anything again.
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